| Get your bearings
He proposed. She said "yes." Good grief, now what?
The prospect of planning a ritual-driven wedding ceremony often sends shudders up the spines of both the bride and groom and their immediate families.
Some head straight to a wedding manager, flinging their wallets like a hand grenade in the hope of avoiding the complexities and stress. And for some, that's a good choice.
Others set out to experience every detail hands-on. Fortunately there are plenty of resources. Today's future bride and groom can access a wide variety of wedding planners and worksheets, wedding music compact discs, photo albums and reception registration books.
How-to wedding planning books ranging from $50 to $7 are available, the most popular of which are "Martha Stewart Weddings" to "The Everything Wedding Organizer" to a selection of Emily Post pocketbook editions.
Many brides turn to magazines first to get ideas and assistance. Among these are Modern Bride and Bridal Guide.
No matter who or what is consulted, a few paramount matters must first be resolved by the wedding couple because everything else depends on those initial choices:
Formality -- traditional or avant-garde; quaint and country, or sophisticated and uptown; a financial bash, or a simple, low budget affair.
This decision determines everything else from type of invitations to attire, to time of day (a very formal wedding is not held in the middle of the day, for example).
Number of guests -- "How many" helps define a rough budget and how to view facilities and catering.
One way is to determine the optimum number of guests, then the bride and groom invite one-third and each set of parents invites the rest; or, the parents agree to split the remaining two-thirds equally between them.
Either way, decide on a total number and get agreement from both families to stick to it, otherwise the number will creep up as everyone keeps thinking of someone else they forgot to invite.
When -- "Seasonal" weddings, meaning holiday or special occasion ceremonies, suggests that some seasonal features will be highly sought after and need to be reserved far in advance of the date.
Allow plenty of time. Ceremony sites may be more difficult to find than first thought. Find the wedding site first, perhaps even before setting a date.
If a church or synagogue is not immediately available, other options might be parks, under a tent, historic homes, bed & breakfasts, public gardens, a museum, someone's backyard. Use your imagination.
Reception -- Indoors or outdoors or both? Sit-down with service, or buffet? Dancing? Bar?
The level of formality will dictate the reception setting, menu, style and costs. Be aware that some reception sites may be booked as much as one or two years in advance. Will the reception facility set up the cake table before the guests arrive, keep the cake cool (out of the sun)? Where will guests best be able to view the cake-cutting ceremony?
Budget -- Who is going to pay for what? (Communication is important here).
Family bank accounts and values must be addressed so that everyone involved will be comfortable with what they spend and resentment avoided.
The bridal couple should be willing to adjust if expenses overshoot the budget.
The wedding begins to take shape when these issues have been resolved. Next comes deciding on the officiate and number of attendants. A general guideline is one usher per 50 guests.
It is no longer important to have an even number of males and females. Try to avoid asking someone to be an attendant out of obligation, and avoid "difficult" personalities at all costs. Attendants should be supportive.
The bride's dress is selected first.
Falling in love with a certain style could add more than six months to locate, order and receive it. Bridesmaid's gowns should take less time.
Tuxes for the groom and his attendants should be selected from four to 10 months before the wedding.
Choices for invitations can be bewildering. Just remember they should be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding so plan to have them printed, possibly reprinted, addressed, and postage affixed in plenty of time.
The rehearsal dinner is the domain of the groom's parents and should be an opportunity for the wedding party to relax and celebrate in a more intimate setting. The honeymoon is traditionally the groom's responsibility but make whatever decisions work best for you both regarding destination, transportation, lodging and time off from jobs.
Wedding rings aren't needed too far in advance. Just plan for sizing and engraving in plenty of time.
The marriage license is usually obtained from the town clerk in the county or town where the couple lives or where the marriage will be performed. Some locations have a waiting period and require blood tests.
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